#117
When I walk I often ask myself “Why am I here?” Not in the sense of forgetfulness—no—more of a curiosity. What chain of events led me to this place in time? If I could go back in time and start over from the same point, but walk in a different direction, where would I go?
There are not many things I regret in my life…but a part of me wonders what could have been and what would be my present if I had chosen differently. Every action of mine causes a reaction. I do not want to dwell in my past wondering what would I have become had I not gotten engaged at eighteen and moved across the country for my fiancé.
As garbled as my decision was to move across the country at a young age, I do not regret it wholly. I learned a lot. I grew. I developed. And I realized that I couldn’t count on someone else to grow and change as I had just because we were involved in a relationship with each other. And when the relationship fell apart, I knew it was time to move on, because the part of me that wanted to be in the relationship remained in the past. My evolved self was no longer interested. I was 21.
